Updates

Our last meeting of the book club was lovely, with one other woman and me sitting and talking for hours. I am really grateful to be seeing myself following this project differently than I have done other things in the past. I usually have very high expectations of myself and when I can't meet those expectations I give up. been an 'all or nothing' kind of person. With this book I have just been so much more relaxed. I am taking one small thing from each chapter and applying it to my life and seeing some real changes.

From the first chapter, I took her suggestion, "if a task takes less than 1 minute to do, do it now". What a difference! There are less shoes in the middle of the kitchen, fewer dishes in the sink and coats are hung in the closets rather than on the backs of chairs more frequently. I won't say I never leave things that could be done but that's OK.

From chapter 2 I have been practicing living in less self pity and resentment in my relationships by choosing to do things rather than feeling like I "have to." Little things like making the kids' breakfast before I leave for work for my husband or taking the kid's out so he can practice used to make me feel like our relationship was uneven (even thought it wasn't) and that I was spending a lot of time and energy doing things so that his life could be easier. While I really didn't care for a lot of chapter 2, it did help me to see that I make choices about how I spend my time and energy and that I can do these things because I want to, not expecting something in return, gratitude, love, appreciation, etc.

Since I've been practicing this (and it is practice) I feel like we are both so much happier. Doing things for my husband out of love and a real desire to be a team is changing my attitude in my marriage, with my children and even at work. It feels like finally growing up to be choosing my life instead of feeling pushed around by it.

Looking forward to chapter 3...

Book Club Updates

I hadn't realized how hard it would be for me to keep up with writing a book and facilitating a book club in addition to all the other parts of my life. That just shows me how crazy and unrealistic I can be! Anyway, I am amazed at how gentle I am being with myself for not doing this all perfectly. A real testament to the power of God in my life to change me!

So here is an update on what's next for our wonderful little Happiness Project Book Club...

1. Our last meeting took place at a CWS common space and I felt that it really didn't work to be meeting in a space with people who were not working through this book. There are things that we may share that are best shared in a group that is more unified. Even if we can't all be together at each meeting, we are all working together.

2. In that vein, I am going to choose 2 dates a month, in the same week, for us to meet and hope that most people can make it at one of these times. The place can either be in one of our homes or a cozy coffee shop/bar :-)

3. The April dates are: Thursday April 14th 7-8:30PM at Uncommon Ground and Sunday April 17th 3-4:30PM. Please let me know if either of these dates will work for you. I would like to have this be a stamding schedule, as much as possible. The second Thursday and third Sunday. If this does not work for the majority of you, we'll work it out. With my job, weekday mornings were not going to work.

4. Assignment for April is to read the chapter on love. It says marriage but some of us aren't married but we all have relationships. People who had already read this chapter, didn't love it but we can probably find one suggestion or create one of our own, to share.

5. Choose one resolution from the chapter on energy to continue and one resolution based on the chapter on love.

6. That's it! I'm a fan of keeping things simple and that small changes can have big results.

7. Feel free to share your insights, thoughts, etc here. There is really no one following my blog yet! Someday...

The Testing Has Begun

This coming year is going to be so much fun as my wonderful friends and I go through all these extraordinary tips I have gathered, testing them to make sure they are good enough to go in my book, Extraordinary Tips from an Ordinary Mom. It's different to be doing some of these things, not just for myself, but with other women in mind. I have to think about them more and be more aware of how to make things as clear as possible. This is a good exercise for someone with a racy mind!

On another note, we are so grateful for the good news that my mother got about her recurrance. While it is Cancer, there is minimal involvement and no chemo now, just Tamoxifin. Very good news!

On the book club front, I am getting so much out of meeting with my friends and discussing the book, The Happines Project. Our next meeting will be on Friday, March 18th in the Parent-Child Room at the Chicago Waldorf Mom. Everyone is welcome, even if you haven't read the first 2 chapters yet :-)

A little distracted writing this because children are eating breakfast. I need to make some time to write at night which is hard since I'm usually in bed by 8PM. Sigh.

Happiness Project Update

What an amazing week this has been. I had the opportunity to meet with several women to begin our Happiness Project Book Club and have already gotten so much out of it.

Here are some of the decisions we made and tasks for the next couple of weeks. Our next scheduled meeting is Friday March 18th 8:15AM at Stella Espresso but if you want to participate and can't make that time, let me know.

We made a Group Resolution to be as honest and open with each other as we are comfortable with and that what we discuss/reveal stays between us. What a powerful thing it is to have women meeting and learning from each other. I feel so privileged to be a part of this.

Tasks:
1. Read/re-read (if desired) the first 2 chapters of the book. Getting Started and January's chapter on Vitality/Energy.
2. Bring any thoughts/questions/comments about these chapters to share at next meeting.
3. Review/write on the questions below (as much as desired) and share with group at next meeting, if desired.

What is a Happiness Project?

Your "happiness project" is your own project to take specific steps to boost your happiness. Start now!

To help you identify changes in your life that might make you happier, answer the following questions:

1.      What makes you feel good? What activities do you find fun, satisfying, or energizing?

2.      What makes you feel bad? What are sources of anger, irritation, boredom, frustration, or anxiety in your life?

3.      Is there any way in which you don't feel right about your life? Do you wish you could change jobs, cities, family situation, or other circumstances? Are you living up to your expectations for yourself? Does your life reflect your values?

4.      Do you have sources of an atmosphere of growth? In what areas of your life do you find progress, learning, challenge, improvement, and increased mastery?

We each made our own resolution to address before the next meeting. The resolutions we made were pretty simple and achievable but would stretch us. Some were about committing to a period of exercise (run 2 x week) or doing something for ourselves that we've been putting off or avoiding something that is hurting us.

My resolution was to avoid breast cancer web sites, just for a couple of weeks. I have all the information that I need for now and was obsessively on these sites and it was making me crazy! I haven't been on a breast cancer web site since Thursday night and I feel such a freedom from such a simple action and it is an action to NOT do something.

I am so grateful for my wonderful friends and the wonderful women I am getting to know as we go through this together. Thank you.

It's the little things

It's not the big things that get me, it's the little things. I thought of this today when Groupon had an offer for the Chicago Tribune for $26/year. Great deal, right? I used to like getting the paper and loved the Sunday coupons. Before I clicked, "Buy" I thought about it for a moment. (Proof right there of the existance of God) We don't have any extra money right now and I realized that these are the choices I need to be making. Not that I couldn't get the paper if I wanted it, but to stop and say: "What will make my life simpler? What do I need"? I actually don't think the Tribune is a very good paper, I don't have time to sit and read it, I don't want any more recycling to deal with and I probably do less shopping without all those Sunday coupons! I felt so good NOT clicking "Buy" and then I went to Chase.com and transferred $26 from our checking account to Savings.
That started me thinking about how it's the little things in all areas of my life that can feel hard to handle. My mother's illness, the property tax bill, etc are so big that I usually remember to ask God for help, turn to my friends for support and feel on solid ground. It's the rude waitress, the cable company call center, the slight at work, the full dryer that seem to push me over the edge into fear and negativity.
I am going to try to remember, for the rest of tonight anyway, to be aware of the little things and to look for these opportunities to let go, keep my life simple and rely on others more.

First Post

What a week. Just found out that my mother's breast cancer has metasticized to her lung. She's having a PET scan in the next few days to see if has spread anywhere else and help determine what type of treatment will be best. All I keep thinking of is the number 14%. That is the survival rate of women with metastatic breast after 5 years. In 5 years my son Michael will only be 9 and Cait, my daughter, 14. How can my mother only live to know them for 5 more years? I know that these are statistics and no one knows how long they have, blah, blah, blah, but it's hard not to let these thoughts in. I am not a good wait-er. I like to know what to expect and we don't know what this will look like and I hate that. I also don't love going through things. I like to get through things - don't fool around, let's just get it over with - and this is definitely not like that. Guess I'll get used to the discomfort of not knowing and going through this with my mother and husband and family and children. At the core though, it's me and her. Has been since I was a little girl and will be to the end, whatever that end looks like.

Anyway, the initial impetus for this blog was to support the book I'm writing. It will be called Extarordinary Tips from an Ordinary Mom and it's filled with ideas, thoughts, suggestions and, obviously, tips, on everything from child care, cleaning and recipes to sanity-savers, finance and friendship. They are ideas that I have developed or collected over the years and I thought it would be helpful to finally get them all in one place. This blog will be a combination of sharing my own life and sharing about the book. I've never done this before so we'll see how it goes!